I've spent my entire life with fear ruling my life. I was an insecure kid, and never had the confidence or stupidity to take the emotional risks a regular kid would. Regret would follow my inertness, which fed a cycle of depression.
Ever since the start of this year, I've begun opening up. There are so many topics when I say "open up", but to put it simply, I've stopped hiding and started showing. I've improved myself in many aspects, but perhaps the most important is rewiring my brain.
And what that means is the following... I deny myself of intrusive, unhelpful, hurtful thoughts. I keep myself occupied with productivity, happiness, and good company. I've become less dependent on others(in terms of esteem), and started asking myself for approval instead. Most importantly, I see everything no longer as urgent, and I see things through a positive lens.
There's massive work that's required to pull off something like rewiring your brain, but the most important part is persistence, a character trait that I never had but had to learn if I were to ever pull myself together.
Some days, I am in my new mindset. Others, my brain decides to use my old neural networks and I feel down in the dumps. But every single day that I'm lucky enough to get the part of my brain with the new mindset, I'm very thankful for it. Even a single day of clarity once a week is worth the many hours I spend writing and reading aloud statements (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy).
So, if you asked me now, if I could have one superpower what would it be? Probably the power to clean dishes with a crack of the knuckle.
