a white man in asian clothes is smart, introverted, cultural
an asian man in white clothes is a betrayer, bastard, exiled
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Friday, March 25, 2016
Two minds
If you could have one superpower what would it be? If you asked me five years ago, it would be immunity; immunity from ever being emotionally hurt.
I've spent my entire life with fear ruling my life. I was an insecure kid, and never had the confidence or stupidity to take the emotional risks a regular kid would. Regret would follow my inertness, which fed a cycle of depression.
Ever since the start of this year, I've begun opening up. There are so many topics when I say "open up", but to put it simply, I've stopped hiding and started showing. I've improved myself in many aspects, but perhaps the most important is rewiring my brain.
And what that means is the following... I deny myself of intrusive, unhelpful, hurtful thoughts. I keep myself occupied with productivity, happiness, and good company. I've become less dependent on others(in terms of esteem), and started asking myself for approval instead. Most importantly, I see everything no longer as urgent, and I see things through a positive lens.
There's massive work that's required to pull off something like rewiring your brain, but the most important part is persistence, a character trait that I never had but had to learn if I were to ever pull myself together.
Some days, I am in my new mindset. Others, my brain decides to use my old neural networks and I feel down in the dumps. But every single day that I'm lucky enough to get the part of my brain with the new mindset, I'm very thankful for it. Even a single day of clarity once a week is worth the many hours I spend writing and reading aloud statements (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy).
So, if you asked me now, if I could have one superpower what would it be? Probably the power to clean dishes with a crack of the knuckle.
I've spent my entire life with fear ruling my life. I was an insecure kid, and never had the confidence or stupidity to take the emotional risks a regular kid would. Regret would follow my inertness, which fed a cycle of depression.
Ever since the start of this year, I've begun opening up. There are so many topics when I say "open up", but to put it simply, I've stopped hiding and started showing. I've improved myself in many aspects, but perhaps the most important is rewiring my brain.
And what that means is the following... I deny myself of intrusive, unhelpful, hurtful thoughts. I keep myself occupied with productivity, happiness, and good company. I've become less dependent on others(in terms of esteem), and started asking myself for approval instead. Most importantly, I see everything no longer as urgent, and I see things through a positive lens.
There's massive work that's required to pull off something like rewiring your brain, but the most important part is persistence, a character trait that I never had but had to learn if I were to ever pull myself together.
Some days, I am in my new mindset. Others, my brain decides to use my old neural networks and I feel down in the dumps. But every single day that I'm lucky enough to get the part of my brain with the new mindset, I'm very thankful for it. Even a single day of clarity once a week is worth the many hours I spend writing and reading aloud statements (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy).
So, if you asked me now, if I could have one superpower what would it be? Probably the power to clean dishes with a crack of the knuckle.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
cutting the bullshit
I realized recently about how much bullshit I put up when interacting with others.
I'm so dramatic, it's almost laughable. I would speak, talk, look a particular way to control how others perceived me. It was like everything I did was an act so that somebody could understand me.
The funny thing, or things is this:
For one, I didn't know who "me" even was, I've been pretending too long I'd forgotten.
And secondly, they could totally interpret what I was doing completely differently that what I intended.
Finally, why should I give a shit?
These past few years I've been acting instead of a being person. I wasn't even being an absurd character, it's just the fact that who I was acting as somebody who wasn't really me.
I'm an idiot.
I'm so dramatic, it's almost laughable. I would speak, talk, look a particular way to control how others perceived me. It was like everything I did was an act so that somebody could understand me.
The funny thing, or things is this:
For one, I didn't know who "me" even was, I've been pretending too long I'd forgotten.
And secondly, they could totally interpret what I was doing completely differently that what I intended.
Finally, why should I give a shit?
These past few years I've been acting instead of a being person. I wasn't even being an absurd character, it's just the fact that who I was acting as somebody who wasn't really me.
I'm an idiot.
Saturday, March 08, 2014
"The cup matters"
I had a thought a few days ago while staring at my coffee mug. And since then, the idea has been lingering in the back of my mind, so I thought perhaps I should share it.
"The cup matters" is a quote I've made to to explain situations where we become fools and desire something largely because of how it is presented. Not sure what the hell I'm talking about? I'll explain more:
The cup is the container and inside is the contents.
The contents is the actual objectiveness of an object. An uncooked snail has seemingly no interest for meat-eaters like us, presented as a delicacy in a pretentious setting and it is perhaps the most sought after meal of the evening.
The container is to describe how an objective is presented. For instance, a long walk on the beach could be the day you meet your dream guy/girl. He would be presented under circumstances that could only increase his odds as a potential partner because we are in-tuned to react romantically to particular settings(i.e. the beach). This is a result of conditioning through influences of family, culture, peers and much more.
This information is nothing new. We're attracted to pretty things. In fact, you've probably already knew this on some level of your subconscious. But have you really given yourself time during the day and actually thought about how we've become drones; taught and programmed to expect certain things from certain situations?
It's sad how the lonely girl that meets a man on the beach later reveals himself as a jerk. Yet the fact he was presented in such a desirable container made her powerless.
The cup matters.
"The cup matters" is a quote I've made to to explain situations where we become fools and desire something largely because of how it is presented. Not sure what the hell I'm talking about? I'll explain more:
The cup is the container and inside is the contents.
The contents is the actual objectiveness of an object. An uncooked snail has seemingly no interest for meat-eaters like us, presented as a delicacy in a pretentious setting and it is perhaps the most sought after meal of the evening.
The container is to describe how an objective is presented. For instance, a long walk on the beach could be the day you meet your dream guy/girl. He would be presented under circumstances that could only increase his odds as a potential partner because we are in-tuned to react romantically to particular settings(i.e. the beach). This is a result of conditioning through influences of family, culture, peers and much more.
This information is nothing new. We're attracted to pretty things. In fact, you've probably already knew this on some level of your subconscious. But have you really given yourself time during the day and actually thought about how we've become drones; taught and programmed to expect certain things from certain situations?
It's sad how the lonely girl that meets a man on the beach later reveals himself as a jerk. Yet the fact he was presented in such a desirable container made her powerless.
The cup matters.
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